| I always wished for brothers, companions, guides towards the rest of my life. Hope for the hopeful and rest for the weary and a thousand words across a painted sky. I always hated sadness, curling inside myself, pinching my arm to know this was real life and I couldn’t run away just yet. I dove into the sea, for she was waiting for me, and she closed over my head and she sang me to sleep. I always loved the mornings, being the only one awake, but only just so that I couldn’t remember what happened yesterday, only that the sky was bright and my dreams were through. I found a boy and he tore me apart. I thought it was me but my hands were never so rough and my face was never so tough and I started to look scuffed, now I knew it wasn’t fun anymore. I thought life had just begun but no more. Now the answers only come less clearly and my vision has become so bleary and my limbs are now so very weary and tears don’t grace my eyes, only cutting in between my thighs, only making me again revise. But I dance brighter, almost better, knowing sadness just gets wetter, knowing hope can’t get more hopeless, knowing all I’ve got is just it, this. This hand returning to the sky, pretending that I can know why. Knowing everything is gone and only bursting into song. O my daylights in the sky, turn me over like a dime. Let my head renounce his chains, let my heart repent her claims. Let me mingle with the crowds, knowing now why I know how. Knowing how to ride a bike, and knowing that I never will, and knowing that my weights won’t break, but lifting harder for my sake. Ducking under, looking back, breaking yet another pact. Turning over, living free, knowing who looks back at me. |
