Life is a Struggle

During the past 15 years of my life, I can say I have been through some hard times. My parents are divorced, I’m a foster kid fighting to go back with my mom, I don’t get to see my sister and I’ve got stress disorders that I wish didn’t exist. In a way, though, I’m glad for all that I’ve been through. I’m not going to get too graphically into it, but I believe it has all changed me for the better. When I was little, I was rude and lied. I never got to leave the house for anything other than school and going to the store because my dad refused to ever let me do anything. It was truly hard to deal with all of the pointless yelling and getting smacked around for asking essentially to be a kid. But at the same time I was spoiled rotten. I don’t know how I had the sense to let it get that bad. Or lack there of, I should say. After awhile, like I previously said, my mom left my dad. And might I say that it was for the best. He was ruining all of us little by little. They’re still in the process of getting divorced, but I am so glad it’s happening. My mom is doing so much better without him taking all the air. That happened back in August of 2019.Over the past year and 7 months it seems that I’ve both changed for the better and struggled more than I thought I would. I’ve fought with my emotions, tried to figuring out my sexuality and who I thought I was. I even got tangled up with smoking and drinking for a little while.Worst decision of my life, if I do say so myself.During all of what I did, my sister and I lived with some family friends. I lived there for almost a year before my sister brought up something from the past that got me removed. At this current moment in time I reside in a lockdown group home with 13 other girls, most of which I don’t get along with. I have one true friend here that I feel like I can talk to, but most of the others I don’t even bother to look at. That may make me seem like a rude person, but over the almost seven months here I have been hurt by almost every single one of them. I’m not going to waste my energy on someone if they’re just going to find some way to mess with my head. If they ever read this, oh well, at least I’m clearing my head. I’m supposed to be out of here soon enough, as soon as they find me a foster home to stay at until I’m back with my mom in a month. Things have definitely gotten better, both with my mental state and the fact that I’m actually moving forward in life. I plan on getting my first true job once I’m back out in the real world. Right now, though, I’m focussing on getting out of this group home, finishing high school, going to college and figure out just what I’m going to do in life.If everyone else can do it, why can’t I?
– Mia Jarvis

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