Outside My Window

My mind races as I stare aimlessly out of my window. Windows fogged with the cold and my mind clouded with old memories, from a life that wasn’t that long ago yet seems so far. I want to pull the sun out from behind the clouds. Reach out of this window and pull away from the darkness that is slowly consuming everything. But I’m trapped, in a world with nothing but a window in my mind leading back to the old time. The ringing of laughter that once echoed outside. Smiles plastered on people’s faces, ones that aren’t covered up by a mask. Being so close yet so far from people hurts your soul. We want nothing more than to reach out and grab them, hug them, but we can’t. It’s like we’re in a museum, where you can look but not touch, you have to stay away from the roped-off artifacts. Covid messes with your head, driving you slowly insane with the isolation. You’re shut off from the outside world with nothing but memories. But even those, slowly fade with time. I feel like I’m trapped in a box with no escape, nothing to do, nobody to see, I have nothing but this small window to look out on the world. A window can mean many things, but right now, its meaning isn’t like normal. It’s not that glass paneling you find in your house. This time it’s a symbol, one that shows us our past while in a world where we don’t understand the future. It’s looking out on a world where you feel cut off, the window is our one connection to the outside. A window isn’t just a window to me, it’s a gateway to the outside world. Coming from someone who isn’t allowed to go anywhere, a window helps me see everything. Whether that window leads to social media, books, activities, friends, maybe a window is just a window that shows you outside, but even then, a window can be whatever you make it. Sometimes I stare out my window, wishing that things would go back to normal, or as normal as things get, but I know deep down that won’t happen for a while. No matter how hard you wish, how hard you hope, even how hard you stare out that window, only time will tell the change that is coming. 

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