The Life of Jay

I was 3 years old when my family moved from Oklahoma City to Kansas. My dad left while we were still in Oklahoma so I never met him. We all moved in with my great grandma, which was me, my mom, my siblings, and my grandma.  It was chaotic sometimes having to live with my mom because she would call the cops for no reason and make all this drama up out of nowhere. When I was 8 years old my mom, sister, and I moved in with my aunt and uncle and everything I knew was ripped away. My mom and sister eventually left me, so I was the only child left in the house with my aunt and uncle. It was hard for awhile. I didn’t even want to live there for the longest time. But, I eventually adapted to the new environment even though I still felt empty. They believe in God, so they talked to me about Him all the time. It eventually got a little old so I would think about something else when they would talk about Him. I didn’t want to hear what they had to say because it was going to get in the way of what I wanted to do.            

I started seeing a therapist in 7th grade, but it took me a long time to finally open up to her about most things. The only thing I really opened up to was my dog, Olive. She’s my best friend, and the only thing I thought I could trust at the time. When I finally did start to open up to my therapist, it made me feel a little better. I was in a better place for a while but later in 7th grade one of my friends died and then I fell back into this deep dark hole for a long time. I started to not care about myself and others anymore. Feelings of rejection, betrayal, and lack of worth started to surface. Then, COVID happened during the end of my 8th grade year so I couldn’t go back to school and I never felt so lonely. When we started to slowly hang out with people again, my anxiety was high and it was very hard to interact.          

I started going back to school this 9th grade year. I’ve decided not to get close to many people, emotionally and physically. The physical part being due to COVID and the emotional part because I was done being hurt by fake people. However, I did meet a couple of people that I decided to get close to. I also have found a couple of teachers that I can let my guard down with. It was all going great, but on November 6th of 2020, my world went crashing down again. My favorite rapper King Von had been shot and killed. When my bestie told me this happened I broke down crying because I always wanted to make a song with him. I had a HUGE crush on him for 2 years, I was obsessed with his music, and now he’s gone. I’m still getting over his death because for a while I was in shock. He was a very alive person if that makes sense. I didn’t want to deal with the loss so I emotionally just shut off. My aunt and uncle didn’t know how bad this depression was as I would put on a happy face so nobody would worry about me. However, as the days go on, it’s getting a little easier to process.                

I discovered that rapping helps me cope with my pain. I’ve been wanting to be a rapper since 4th grade. I made my 1st song in 5th grade and everybody loved it. I realized looking back now that it wasn’t as good as everybody thought and it was extremely corny. I used to think I was all that and a bag of chips back in the day so I rapped about that. I used to look up to Kendrick Lamar. He’s the reason why I even got into this whole rap thing because he’s so real and he doesn’t brag about how many girls he has or about having sex. He raps about his real life problems, problems in the world, and what he struggles with. I want to be like that. That also attracted me to King Von because he rapped about his imagination. He grew up in the streets in Chicago and he eventually joined a gang when he was 16 and stayed in it up until his death. He was amazing at story telling, thats why I liked him so much and he owned up to his mistakes. He always focused on giving back to his community. That’s what I think a good rapper is, somebody who cares not only for themselves but for their community as well. I love to rap about my imagination, my mistakes, and my goals, and events I’ve heard about and even seen myself. I know I have power in my rap. I’ve never been so devoted to something as much as I am with being a rapper. My teachers and friends know that I love to rap and really support me. However, my aunt and uncle don’t feel like it’s the safest lifestyle to pursue, and I understand them for the most part.              

I want to be a Barber as well because I find it very interesting to see how many things you can do with hair.  I also think I would be good at it because I’m very creative and artistic. I love to watch Get_Beamed’s video’s on Youtube. He’s from Chicago and oh my lord, he’s amazing! He’s the person I want to go to in the future when I need help making my haircuts look even better on people. I love to block out life sometimes and just watch him cut hair.  He makes it look so easy to perfect these hairstyles.              

I love hair, music, animals, and my friends and family. Those are the main 5 things I love in life. Without them, I really don’t know where I would be at today. I still haven’t seen my siblings for a fat minute. I haven’t seen my little sister in 4 years. I haven’t seen my brother in a couple months, and I’ve never met my baby sister. I live a very unique but good life I would say. I still have people that support me and that love and care for me, they just may not be my real parents or siblings.               

I chose to write about my story because I never really share my feelings or my life with people. I feel like it’s important for me to finally share my story with people so they can maybe be inspired and I can possibly help them find hope. I also chose to write about my story because of my dog Olive. She was born without a right hip socket. We are looking into the costs for surgery to fix her hip and we need to raise some money. So if I win, I want to put the $250 towards her hip surgery. Olive means more than the world to me and I really couldn’t imagine life without her. She’s always super happy about everything and she reminds me that there is good in every situation.      

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