Shattered: Into a Million Pieces

She sat in the corner of her room, head in her knees, vulnerable, lonely. Her vision was cloudy and her eyes were filled with tears. Her heart was shattered into a million pieces. This is the story of my first heartache. 

I had just moved in with her mom. It was a new sense of freedom, one I had never experienced. My mom decided my school was too hectic of a commute for me and transferred me to a brand new school, John Adams High School. Of course, I was late to my first period class, lost as a puppy I looked for help. I found a kind lady to help me to my class. When I walked in I felt more vulnerable than anything. This was a fresh start and I didn’t want to mess it up. The moment I walked in I locked eyes with just about the cutest guy I have ever seen. My stomach filled with butterflies and my gaze totally lost, I almost missed what my teacher Ms.Jarrett was saying. I sat a table away from him but still a good stare-able distance. My amazing English teacher asked me if I knew my way to my next class. Spanish, and I didn’t. But guess who did, he did of course. I walked with him and a few of his friends who were a little too friendly. I sat next to him in that class and a lot of the others. At the end of my first day I was walking to my moms car, and he ran after me. “Can I have your snap?” “Sure!” I said and quickly put it in his phone along with my number, my first mistake. 

He texted as soon as I got home. I started to fall so quickly, he had me wrapped around his finger. I failed to realize that I was being used. I was the new girl, rumors about me flew left and right, guys liked me and I ignored them for one, and I let myself open up to someone who wouldn’t do the same. I was also the only person unaware of his reputation and his past. I wasn’t as special as he said I was. After 2 happy months of a secret relationship came the reality of it all. All the arguments, the fights, ignoring each other, crying over someone you know isn’t even worth your tears, and most of all the vulnerability. I took him back every single time. You could say I was blinded by love, truthfully I did love him, my second mistake. 

It wasn’t always that lingering feeling of being used, there were good moments with him too. Like when we were planning our last few years of high school, making plans so we could still be together during college, planning our literal futures together all for nothing. I remember telling him I wanted to move to Cali and he promised he would move his whole life around to come be with me. I was so lost in love I planned my kids names, what kind of house we would have, a whole lifetime of things I would want to do to do with him. I know how stupid sound, but I wanted it all to be with him. That was my third mistake. 

It was our nine month anniversary! I sent a paragraph and had a gift ready for whenever I would see him. He left me on read. I called and to my surprise no answer. He then posted on his story, he was at a party with another girl. That’s when I knew it was over. He texted me later that night saying he was sorry, not for the girl but for dragging us on for 9 months. I felt nothing. That’s what hurt more than anything. I didn’t cry when the text came through. I cried when I realized how much of my day would go into him and now I couldn’t even text him. I sat in the corner of my room curled up with my head into my knee caps. My eyes were red and cloudy and filled with tears. I felt like I had nobody. In a way he was the last of my happiness and now he’s happy without me. 

Moral of the story: Don’t fall in love.

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