As Raina was listening to music she couldn’t stop herself from thinking about the past that haunts her in her dream. The secrets that she kept from her family because she doesn’t know how to tell them or where to even start. The secrets that she only can write about. She doesn’t know how to express those words. Back in her country when Raina was 7 years old something happened to her and it changed her from that young age. Her dad’s co worker’s son named Ali came to learn the business and needed a place to stay so her dad welcomed him in their house with good intentions. He was nice to everyone, respectful and funny so her family liked him so did little Raina. He was maybe in his late 20s but little did anyone know that this guy was or maybe still is a rapist. One day when Raina’s parents took her older brother to the doctor, she was left behind with the maid who was supposed to take care of her. Raina was watching a cartoon(sim-sim). It used to be her favorite and was alone in the living room when Ali came and joined her. She was happy that she got a company. Ali instructed her to sit in his lap so she did until he started touching her where she didn’t feel comfortable so she told him not to touch her like that. He didn’t stop which made Raina mad so she started yelling and called her maid to take her away but the maid was nowhere near. She tried to run away but he was faster and stronger so he grabbed her and mouthed the word “shhh” and said “I need to teach and show you something important that you have to learn soon and it will help you in the future when you have a husband”. The little girl started crying out of scared,
Raina: “I don’t know what it means and I don’t like it, I don’t want to listen to anything; please let me go”.
Ali: “you will be happy and thankful for it later and most importantly It’s going to be fun. Don’t worry it will be over soon; You know I did this before to little 2 other girls and they liked it”.
Raina: “I don’t like it so please don’t hurt me”.
Without saying anything he took off his clothes and Raina was left with no choice but to see things that she didn’t want to. She started crying and begged him to stop doing whatever he was doing. Until this day she remembers his laughter after that and until this she hates it but it’s strong enough to send chills throughout her body. Ali then moved toward her and took off her clothes but Raina was fighting him so he slapped her hard in the mouth and said “don’t you dare to cry or else I will complain to your abbu(dad) that you were a bad girl who didn’t behave like a girl and then he will punish you”. That threat was enough to make her quiet while he raped her. Raina’s tear is dropping like rain and it was hurting her so she begged him to stop but he didn’t listen and continued. When he was done he got dressed and told her “if you tell this anyone you are going to be in a lot of trouble. They will kick you out of the house and you will be living with those gorib(homeless) kids in the street, they will hit you with sticks and no ones going to believe a little naive girl like you”. When he was walking out of the room the maid showed up and he gave her some money and said something to her ear that Raina couldn’t hear. Later when Raina was calm she told the maid that she wanted to take a shower and the maid said “you can’t say anything to anyone because your parents will abandon you and whatever he did to you it was for your own good so never repeat anything”. After that Raina changed, she was no longer the girl who loved going outside, she didn’t like darkness, she started getting scared of her dad who loved her so much. She barely talked to anyone but couldn’t tell anyone. She lived under the same roof with that rapist until 10 and every time she saw him she would try to hide or go to a different room. When she was 11 her dad died and she didn’t get the chance to say she loved him and he was the best dad in this world. She became depressed but her family didn’t seem to notice that to them she was a shy girl who loved being alone and was completely fine. When she was 13 she and her family moved to the USA. Raina started school here and learned whatever happened to her at that age wasn’t her fault and that it’s okay to not to talk about it as long as you are not trying to delete it rather than process and accept the event. She started getting better. When she was 15 she had her 1st boyfriend, even though he was nice she was scared of him for no reason so she broke it off. Raina is now 18 and is about to graduate high school in 2 month and still her family doesn’t know about it, even if she did tell them they won’t believe her and probably will kill her. Sometime she wonders what would’ve happened if she had a little courage to tell her parents about that afternoon. She lays in bed and wonders different outcomes if she ever decides to tell them but none once she can come to the point where she believes even maybe A little that they will support her. What would’ve happened if She was a little brave? Could that courage change her life? That’s a question she asks herself every night!